CELEBRATING THE END OF LIFE

 In its purest definition, a celebrant is someone who celebrates something. I’ve written elsewhere about the definition and classifications of marriage celebrants in Australia. While a marriage celebrant has both a legal and a ceremonial role in performing marriages, a funeral celebrant‘s role is purely ceremonial. Funeral celebrants don’t have to undertake any training (although it’s highly recommended). Funeral celebrants also don’t have to be registered by any government to perform their duties. Let’s take a look at what a funeral celebrant actually does. 

 First, a little bit of history. Australia claims to be the first country in the world to have introduced professional civil (i.e. non-religious) funeral celebrancy. As civil marriage ceremonies became more popular, Australia’s early marriage celebrants began to be asked to perform personalised funerals outside the church. There are now civil funeral celebrants in New Zealand, the United Kingdom, Canada, and the United States 

The family/friends meeting is the first task of the funeral celebrant. I allow up to three hours for these meetings. Some go for less than 30 minutes, depending on what the family needs from me.

 When a funeral director books me to perform a funeral, they give me the name and contact details of their client. When I call the client to organise the meeting, I invite them to include whoever they would like. Sometimes I meet with just one person. My record is 18 people – family members and friends were at that meeting.

 During the planning meeting we’ll discuss the logistics of the funeral ceremony and what the family would like to include in the ceremony. I see it as my job to offer lots of options and facilitate whatever the family wants, whether it’s what I would do or not. I have lots of resources and ideas to offer, and the family can choose all or none of them.

Sometimes I walk into a meeting and the family knows exactly what they want. They’ve chosen music, readings, they know who’s speaking and they’ve already written the eulogy. Those meetings don’t take long at all! Sometimes a family is all at sea and really has no idea where to start; no problem, that’s what I’m here for.

There is one main question that tells me how long the meeting will take. Does the family want me to write the eulogy (the life story)?

If the family is writing the eulogy, I’m not going to ask all my questions about where their person grew up, what they did for work, etc. I do have a document of prompts that I can send to such a family. This helps them to know what kinds of questions I would usually ask and what they should include.

More often than not though, they do ask me to write the eulogy, and that’s absolutely fine with me: I love hearing people’s stories!

The second task of the funeral celebrant is to write the funeral ceremony. As I walk out of family meetings I often have people say to me, “I don’t know how you’re going to make something coherent out of all those random stories we just told you.” That’s why it’s my job to write the ceremony (and often the eulogy), not yours! I’m a trained professional with over 50 funerals under my belt. I’m well practised at asking questions, taking notes, and then pulling from them what I need to create a meaningful, personalised ceremony.

I will always send you the full ceremony draft to review. I know not all celebrants do this, and that’s okay for them. But I prefer to make sure you’ve had time to read and review every word I’m going to say. If you want to rewrite the entire script, that’s your prerogative. I know that my words and my ceremony structure will have provided you with a starting point. Sometimes you need that to know what you want to say! If you just want to change a word or two, or leave the entire thing the way I wrote it, that’s okay too. It’s most important to me that you are completely happy with every word that will be said at your loved one’s farewell service.

On the day of the funeral, the funeral celebrant’s final task is to deliver the ceremony warmly and authentically. It’s my job to stand up there and deliver the ceremony we’ve collaborated to create. Using my years of public speaking training and experience I ensure everyone in the room (and watching the live stream) can hear and understand the words we’ve worked so hard on.

I’ll speak my bits and I’ll introduce other speakers. If others need me to jump in for them and read their tributes on their behalf, I’ll do that too. I’m always there to help out in whatever way is needed, even if that’s just a smile or a comforting hand on your arm. I have been told I’m a warm and comforting presence at a funeral, and it is my honour to hold that space for you and your people to grieve in.

 I’ve set out above the duties of a funeral celebrant. What funeral celebrants are NOT trained for is grief counselling. Yes, we pick up all sorts of information through our work. Many of us have grief resources and organisations to refer you to. But unless we have undertaken specific additional grief counselling training, this is outside the scope of our work. Indeed it would be inappropriate for us to take on this role. So please don’t be offended if you reach out to a funeral celebrant looking for help with your grief and they refer you to other organisations! We’re simply not trained or equipped for such work.